Thursday, November 10, 2016

How We Deal With Now



 I just couldn't survive this week without coming together here on this blog with you all. It's been a tough week and to chat about home remodeling right now seems pretty lame.

You probably suspected and rightly so, as the title of this blog alludes to, I am a Northern Californian through and through and yes I am liberal. I grew up among free-thinkers, hippies and a lot of what we call 'granolas' here. Old word now! I had moderate, but open-minded parents. One thing I got from them was acceptance of everyone, and always do onto others, be the best person you can be, read, be informed and be kind.  I have voted both Republican and Democrat in my life. I try always to see both sides.

This week ...I just can't. I truly felt an excitement and elation about actually having the first woman president. This woman did her homework, spent her life doing right and was the most overqualified and experienced candidate ever- man or woman. The Facebook group Pantsuit Nation got me even more energized hearing the stories of -men, women, children, old folks, immigrants, all sharing their hope for this woman president. We were ready to make history and see the world change together.

Well it was not to be.

Tuesday night I was feeling sick to my stomach by 7 p.m. I had to turn of the PBS Newshour as I could see it on their faces. It wasn't good. I went to bed fearful and woke up afraid to get out of bed. I wanted so badly to see this woman elected president. I wanted it for my mother who always admired Hilary and told me women can do anything. I wanted it for my 99 year old grandmother who said,' It's her time honey, she will do it.' I wanted this for the little girls of the world and the big girls too. I wanted it for the young women in college who have dreams. I wanted it for women who have sweated and suffered through so much to give their families a decent life. I wanted it for my sons so they could live in a country where a woman was the leader of the free world. We were ready for that ceiling to shatter. I can't write this without crying. It has broken my heart. I could barely get out of bed. My college freshman son texted me, 'Mom I just can't believe it.' What to say to him?

I think what has made this loss even more painful is the winner is someone who has openly disrespected women, belittled us, and possibly even assaulted us. The class bully was chosen over the girl who did her homework. The bully cheated his way through class too.

How my fellow Americans, especially women, could choose this man to be our president is incomprehensible to so many of us. Yesterday my phone literally blew up with messages of despair from friends far and near. What will happen to us now?



I got up anyway, showered, put on my Hillary T-shirt and made my way to the grocery store. I thought dammit he may of won, but I'm wearing my Hillary T-shirt anyway. At least three women came up to me wanting to talk about the election. One older woman walked by and said, 'I cried all day yesterday.' It was comforting to know others felt the same.

A few friends called for an emergency glass of wine to commiserate. After expressing our shock, and real hope that Trump will not be the evil person he promises to be, we made a plan. We want to gather monthly to raise funds for women's and other causes, to share articles and books, and to educate those who are uninformed about women's rights and other rights that may be in jeopardy of going away.

One of the things we all need to understand is there is a very big section of this country that feels disenfranchised and left out. Those are the poorer, the people out of work, those less fortunate and who have no hope to gain traction in a society that is now very have/ have nots. We have lost the middle class in this country. People are wealthy or they are edging on destitution. Those are the people who voted in record numbers for Trump, if only to grasp at straws it seems. Why they couldn't see his plans do nothing for the poor says how desperate they feel. We need to not leave these folks behind. We are together in this. They want to be heard and now hopefully will be.

There is also another group who has a different wish, to make America white again. Those people spewed their hate in record numbers the day after the election and think it's open season on Americans of different ethnicities and color and sexual orientation. The Twitter feed called Day 1 in Trump's America is just sickening. Apparently these people were just waiting to release the hate they've previously kept inside as open bigotry and racism is something we frown on in the America I grew up in. One of the saddest effects yet of this election and one we must not tolerate in the smallest form. This almost made me more ill than the election results.

Now friends, as Ghandi said, 'Be the change you want to see in the world.'

We women will commiserate, be sad and then many of us will go back to what we always do- taking care of our families and putting their needs first. However, the best thing we can do for our kids and our communities is change the world for better.

Gather a group if you can. Plan to make a difference if only through talking, sharing ideas, educating ourselves, our daughters, sons and our friends.  By donating to causes for change we can help mobilize opposition if Trump follows through on his promises to nominate supreme court justices to overturn Roe vs. Wade. As women we also care deeply about the planet and Trump's other pledges to end clean air initiatives, to not follow through on our NATO promises, overturn gun reforms are equally as scary and worth action on.


Most of all, we have a responsibility to our kids to show what kind of people we want them to grow up to be. Whether they are in preschool or college, we want them to be the face of a kinder, more inclusive world. The more divisiveness we hear, the more we need to remind them we are not those kind of people. Together we are stronger. We have to love each other to love this country. We should not want to go backward, but accept change, progress, science and immigration, and diversity- things our country was founded on. I love this note from a thoughtful father to his son:


Kinda says it all doesn't it? (via Dennis Mahoney Facebook)

Do not despair and do not hate our friends. We must change the world and this has only given us more fuel. This election has shown us we still exist in a very patriarchal society and the old boy's club is going strong. Let's work to smash that glass ceiling with all of us, men included and hopefully our conservative friends will join too. I know so many of them did in this election and I love them for it.


I leave you this which is ever present on my mind:


That's us guys! Lets get to work.

Thanks for listening and being here friends. I love you guys.


Kim

Please feel free to share your thoughts. I don't want to hate, but to inspire hope and more change.


A great site in helping bring about change- The Representation Project

Also this:

A petition to change the electoral college

Causes I am donating to this week:

The Southern Poverty Law Center-Battling racial and social injustice.

The Brady Campaign to prevent gun violence.

NRDC - Natural Resources Defense Council (Myron Ebell who is tapped to run the new Environmental Protection Agency is a climate change denier.)

Emily's List- Helping pro-choice and Democratic women get elected to office.

NOW (National Organization for Women)

League of Women Voters

Planned Parenthood

Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense


46 comments :

  1. Wow Kim, I have never felt so close to another person, as I do right now. I feel like you must have had a coversation with me while we slept and you pulled all my thoughts and feelings into you! To say you inspire me would be an understatement! Thank you for your beautifully expressed words they lift me up and heal my heart! Love You, My Dear, Wise, Friend! ��

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    1. Denise, wow thanks so much. Says something that we are all on the same page here! You have made my day. Hugs to you. xKim

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  2. Kim this was an amazing post and I love that through your absolute shock and disbelief you are reaching for the positive. You're so right to do so, it is the only thing to do. Who knows what could come of this energy? Hold fast my friend!
    I'm not American but my father is, he was the first person I phoned yesterday morning. I was really sick on Tuesday and I went to bed early, confident that Secretary Clinton would win comfortably if not a landslide. I was so shocked when I found out the result at 7am I burst into tears and wailed for half an hour. My husband was shocked by my utter despair, for him it was just a confirmation of his fears, he had a bad feeling these last months which I kept downplaying, telling him he was being ridiculous, that Trump would never get elected. But gosh he saw it coming, all the reading he does on politics.
    My father would skew Republican typically but he voted for Hillary and was very sad though I think he saw it coming too, he lives in Georgia.
    I'm really feeling for you but I'm so happy you're taking action and doing what you can as you wade out of this. I love America and to see you all hurting breaks my heart. I'm rooting for you!!! XOX

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    1. Dani, I know what else can we do, but channel this adrealine into something for change. If I cant think that way I don't know how I could get up tomorrow! Dani amazing your husband and mine are alike. My husband was really afraid this might happen. I the optimist thought there was no way. My dad, like yours also voted for Hilary as did many Republicans and conservatives I know as he was just not even an option. I feel like many of us had standards for who we want our president to be, but that was not a factor for some.

      I heard a woman today on NPR say she was glad to live in a free America where she could now admit she wouldn't vote for Obama as he was black. She said Trump says what he thinks and no political correctness BS and that was what America was all about! God help us. We've got some work to do. Yet many voted for him out of hate of Hillary and others fear of immigrants, and others for want of change in their job/ life status so it was a mixed bag. I guess I'm saddest about the fact that people were willing to vote for this man no matter how much hate he spewed- toward women and minorities. I think that bothered me the most. I just don't want to see a world where people like that lady feel like it's open season for your prejudices and okay to share your hatred of those who aren't white, straight, or hold different beliefs. Thanks Dani. Oh and I am wondering how many will be trying to come up to Canada now! xo

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  3. Very well said! I love how you're already planning practical, real, effective action to fight against what may happen if our fears about this upcoming presidency are realized and to fight for what we believe to be what's best for our country. I think you are absolutely right that this election has given us more fuel. We will be more aware now, we will continue to be strong. Thank you for your inspiring words!

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    1. Michelle, thank you for the note! Yes I truly believe this will propel more people into action than ever before. I think we have been complacent for sure and taking a lot for granted. I hope young folks especially get charged up and women. I think there are some amazing young people who will come up and make all the difference. Maybe this terrible setback is what we needed to motivate more women to pubic office. Sadly we still only hold just 19% seats in congress, which is dominated by men. I can see big changes if that number was flipped!

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  4. You needed to express yourself as this is kind of like a mourning. I know many are feeling so many emotions right now and I know that you are a really caring person who is passionate about trying to improve everyone's welfare.

    I don't want to rehash split milk but I do really wonder about pollsters. They got Brexit wrong and also there was only about 2 pollsters who predicted Trump but they weren't mainstream - they were those niche people on twitter that no one pays attention. I wonder if the shock wouldn't have been so great if they had predicted a Trump win - also that would have prompted a lot more people to vote.

    I know so many think their vote doesn't count and yet if anything - i hope this election demonstrates that a vote does count. Don't people remember 2000 florida where an election was lost over such a small number.

    But you will feel better and let's hope it won't be as bad as some fear. I think remembering people who vote differently from us also believe they are doing the best for their country - no one purposely votes to screw things up. Probably too early to hear that but after the Brexit referendum I have learnt a lot - chin up and michael moore has done a list of to do's that seemed really sensible and almost non partisan and good for the country as a whole actually. xx

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    1. Naomi, Yes polls are rubbish as you would say there. I do think there was a record number of those who did not vote. That was a real issue. I just remember being horrified about Brexit as we were just there a week earlier and that wonderful woman was gunned down. I thought for sure you all would stay. Crazy how the world is changing. It's a wake up call for us all I guess. We need to get out of our bubbles, see what others see and look at how we can go forward together, and not move backwards, though some would like that. Thanks for bringing up Michael Moore. I know he predicted this. People love to hate him, but he knows this country. xo

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  5. Hi Kim, I'm in Canada too and I've been so depressed since I heard the news on Wednesday morning. (I called my husband. who was already at work, first thing; I couldn't bear to turn on the tv. I thought he was joking when he told me the result.) The only thing I could think to do was to make a donation to US Planned Parenthood.

    But oh, your poor grandmother! To think that she has waited this long, and then this happens! I wish you and your friends good luck with powering through and trying to make something good out of this.

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    1. Hi Patricia, Wow I am so touched that so many of our Canadian friends feel they are in this with us. I know the whole world was pretty shocked. That was good of you to donate to the U.S. Planned Parenthood! I have to say as much as this election is bringing out the worst in some folks, it's also showing the caring goodness of others like you. I talked today to my grandmother and she is sad, but said she thinks the young people of this country will change this. We shall see. She is ever hopeful and maybe why she's 99!

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  6. A lot of people feel this way.

    I watched the PBS newshour the day after where they workshopped the result.

    Like Naomi, I read Michael Moore's to do list and I hope people are galvanised. I cannot fathom that voting isn't compulsory!

    Onwards and upwards and thinking of you x

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    1. FF, I can barely watch the news so distressing. A huge deal now they are thinking was also that young people just didn't vote. Very bad turnout and also the antiquated electoral college screwed this up. Hilary got two million more votes than Trump, but still lost? That is just wrong. You both have me intrigued about Michael Moore's list. I Googled it, but couldn't find it. I'll keep looking. Thank you for your good thoughts and kind words about the post. I'm just patching it together here, but so appreciate friends and comments right now! xo

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    2. I think she had 200,000 more votes at the time you were writing this (although this figure is now larger, but not yet 2,000,000)

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    3. Sue thank you -you are right. I heard that and thought it seemed a lot. They said the current number is almost 400,000 more and still counting..

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  7. Read your post twice.

    Such a powerful message.

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  8. Hi Kim, this election has been such an emotional rollercoaster for all of us. Many of us are not happy with the results and I, for one, am flabbergasted as I thought that there was no way that Trump could win. I want to think positively that perhaps it will not be as terrible as we all think it will be and if it is...in four years there can be a change. I will hold steady in my values and beliefs no matter what and I know that those close to me will do the same. I am so sorry that your Grandma didn't get to see her candidate win this time. If we want change, we have to work for it and not just talk about it.

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    1. Kelley, I think it's just been a real shock. The problem may have been we weren't looking at polls and looking more at the man. We just couldn't fathom anyone voting for him, and that made it seem no contest.

      You are so right we need to keep up the fight for goodness in the world, for what is right and yes we need to fight way more. We need to get out there and not take things for granted. I vow to work my tail off next election and especially between now and then. Sad for grandma too! xo

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  9. It's so easy to feel shocked and helpless right now, and I applaude you for coming up with concrete things you can do to make this country and your immediate area a better place. That's what we'll all have to do right now....

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    1. Andrea exactly. Some people are still in a terrible state I think right now. We just need to get out there and make change as soon as we can. Thinking about the ways calms me down. xo

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  10. Kim, well said. It feels like I am mourning too. It made me cry and was so shocked to see how so many voted for Trump and overlooked his attitiude and behavior. He does not deserve the presidency honor. But you are right we must take some positive action as a result and do something to prevent this happening again. This has really given me a distrust in polls.
    Thank you for your truthful feelings.

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    1. Sheila, I told my husband tonight I feel like we are now living in a reality tv show. Seriously. We have no way to control what happens to us next, so the only way I can deal is to think about ways to make change in this country by my own donations and activism. Good thing is there is more than half of this country that feels the same so we've got some support for change!

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  11. Thank you for your heartfelt and thoughtful comments...I agree...once the shock wears off we must dust ourselves off and stand up for what we believe in. I have to say that I am deeply disappointed in my fellow Americans for voting in someone who is so poorly qualified...I understand the wish to vote against the establishment (as a message that things must change) yet, in this case, these individuals have likely shot themselves in the foot. Already Trump's tax plan indicates that single parents and the Middle Class will pay higher taxes while the wealthiest will pay less...so it begins. I am very concerned as to things to come when I hear the names of the individuals that Trump is asking to be on his team...really scary extremists. And a comment like Giuliani's that the college student protestors are "a bunch of spoiled crybabies" gives me chills. Where is the empathy? Like you, the only way I can see to make it through this is to get more involved in causes that I believe in so as to hopefully preserve some rights for my teenage son's future...thank you for being a light during this moment of darkness.

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    1. Andrea, Thank you. I agree I am clear people wanted change, but at what cost? They were willing to elect a wholly unqualified candidate who now is choosing individuals who hold extreme views and contrary to science? That is frightening and Giuliani calling the college kids spoiled crybabies shows how out of touch these people are and choose to be as well. As one with two teen boys as well, I want a world that is progressive, inclusive and believes in knowledge and science. Is that wrong? I believe the good people of this country won't stand by to see all the progress we have made dismantled. Thank you for your note! Stay strong.

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  12. Great heartfelt post Kim. I hope you won’t take my head off for this, but I agree with so much of what Naomi wrote above. I kept feeling like the pollsters were wrong because the things I was hearing from people living outside of NYC was not syncing up with what Nate Silver (of Fivethirtyeight) and the rest were saying. And now I keep hearing about white uneducated voters, and how they elected Trump, but I think what has not been mentioned, at all, is the military community. Plenty of them have college degrees! Ask them what happens to you in the military if you mishandle classified information. I’m guessing the email thing was probably bigger to them than any other group, especially after what happened to General Petraeus, and I think their opinion of HRC as their potential commander-in-chief was overlooked entirely by the mainstream media. And that was just one aspect of this election cycle! I also believe Brexit pre-saged what happened here on Tuesday and because of what happened here, I am thinking Marine Le Pen now has a serious shot of becoming the next president of France next spring.

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    1. Jill, I hear you and agree that the military vote may have been a factor too. While mishandling of classified information is bad it was done as others before her did. I don't know, but my conscience told me that the other choice- which was a person with a background of poor conduct, shady business deals, cheating on taxes, assaulting women, inciting hatred, calling our current president a traitor- a big accusation - all seem off the charts horrible. You are possibly right Marine Le Pen may well become the next president as we are going into scary territory. People want to roll back the clocks and go back to a isolationist and unwelcoming world. Well if you read history this never ends well.

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  13. I too could barley get out of bed yesterday!GOBSMACKED is MY woRD for ALL of this!
    I just found out about THE NUDE PHOTOS of our FIRST LADY and guess who else showed UP...........THE DAUGHTER!YES< I GOOGLED IT!
    I am STUNNED..................the ones that VOTED for HIM will be even MORE STUNNED!
    YOU must READ A TYPICAL 60...............she wrote an EXCELLENT BLOG POST!
    KEEP MOVING..............we have each OTHER!!
    XX

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    1. That's the word Gobsmacked. So fitting sadly. I saw some of those photos and I just turned away. I don't want to know or see. Nothing though is as ugly as the hate being spewed by people towards others today. If Trump's wife is the anti-bullying first lady than she's got her work cut out for her starting with her own husband. Will check out ATYPICAL! xo Hugs

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  14. simply, thank you. thank you for this post.

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  15. Thank you,Kim. I do take solace in your post. I have been so devastated this week, I'm almost unable to function. Never did I think we could go backwards, that the forward progress made by Obama could ever be undone.I and my small group of liberals(not easy to find in N. Al!)will be joining in a movement for women and minorities. Even if it is just making a point to smile and speak to others. Love must win!!! Jeane

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    1. Jeanne, I'm glad we are coming together here a bit if to only find like-minded friends who understand how we feel. I'm glad you have found others who feel the same and I agree even if it's through being kind and talking to others, to everyone! Love will always win and we have to believe it or I couldn't go on! Thanks for the encouragement!

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  16. Thank you for coming out with your feelings...I am absolutely devastated...like physically sick...I was so with her...I have held my breathe, supported, loved and respected this wonderful woman since she was a senator...Like your grandmother said, It was her turn...And now the worse nightmare has come true and where do we go?...I am trying to get through one day at a time...Just today...No thinking about what this disaster will bring or where we will go in our country...Thanks again...9-ll
    our first American disaster...ll/9 our second American disaster...

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    1. I feel the same...So terrible. I just am in more shock now that he has appointed Steve Bannon of Breitbart to be lead counsel and strategist. The man is a white supremacist, woman hater, and more. Very scary. Also the guy in transition to lead the EPA, Myron Ebell is a climate denier. The man is not a scientist and says climate change does not exist. These are big appointments and is sending message Trump doesn't need a chance, but a revolt from all of us if these are his first appointees. Yikes. Hold strong! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts here. We should not shrink in the face of this scary news!

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  17. goggle and read Joe Pie's reasons why Hilary lost. We must change the way both parties present themselves! We need non corrupt leaders, we deserve better.

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  18. Just watched on Netflix Chelsea Don't despair about our country...Barbara Boxer was the guest and it was uplifting...I feel better watching these positive women..

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    1. Thanks so much!! Will check that out. Love Barbara Boxer.

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  19. You already know how I feel. Add me to your group!

    OXOX
    Dawn Lucy

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  20. Kim, your posts always bring me joy and comfort. And, after the devastating news, this post was just what I needed to read. I loved your candor and passion, and your concrete suggestions for things that we can do to support causes that will protect human rights for everyone. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the situation that we're in, and trying my best to move forward (very difficult, I'm finding!). Thank you for giving so much of yourself. Thank you for your inspiration and for lifting others up.

    Jane

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    1. Jane, Wow so nice of you to say that. I was just trying to share as it helps me so to hear from you all too. Having this outlet has been very cathartic. I'm grateful to know there are friends like you that feel the same and trying to sort this all out!! I'm just hoping together we can keep the conversation going, stay strong, make a difference!! I'm thankful for strong women in this country and strong friends. We can't let this be the new normal!

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  21. This is one of the most meaningful posts I've read since this all happened Kim and I went to bed Monday night so excited that it seemed the US would have it's first woman as president. I have to admit living in Texas and seeing more news stations in the midwest the past few months made me realize this election might be closer than polls were showing, but I was still shocked. This post is so inspirational and well written and I'm so glad you shared your thoughts on all of this Kim. -xoDale

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    1. Dale, Thank you for saying that. I was thinking you have seen a lot more viewpoints out there in Texas! Still though I think we are all still in shock. The thing is a lot of people were using reason thinking there was no way the average person would vote for someone so poorly informed and openly racist, but I guess we were wrong. People are a-okay with that!! :( Still shocked every day I wake up. I feel like I'm living in a reality show. xo

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  22. Thank you Kim for this post. The past week has been strange, suddenly it has been OK to say things that were previously considered rude. I have seen hateful messages that I never thought to see printed before. I became citizen last year and I was able to vote first time now. I voted Hillary because she was the best candidate and most qualified. She could have done a great job. The country that I am from, has already had a female president - so voting for a female candidate was not my first goal - but I voted the best candidate. I am worried now for women's rights, immigration - you name it. My co worker asked me why I am worried about immigration - "you are already here and now citizen" - like everyone is only concerned on their own status ? I will check the links you posted - thank you Kim !

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    1. Leena, Thanks so much. Great to hear from someone who is a new citizen and feels the same. I have just been shocked every day with the terrible messages of hate and hostility hat are spreading. I am inspired by the kids who are peacefully demonstrating and sending the message that we are not okay with the hate and divisiveness! It's sad your co-workers comment. I am not at all surprised- one of the people I know who is most pro-Trump and thinks Muslim's need to not be allowed in is actually a fairly recent immigrant. That seems so hypocritical to me ! You are right the issue is so many people are only worried about their own selves- hence we now have Trump. I don't think any of those who voted for him are worried about the plight of his fellow man, more themselves. Thanks for your comment and reading Leena!

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